I'm a Feminist.

I’m a feminist.

There was a time when I could not say that with conviction because I couldn’t relate to the anger that some people associated with it. I didn’t want people to think that I was a man-hater. I never hated men.

But even as a kid, I’ve always been aware of how much luckier boys were compared to us girls. It’s all over TV. The class presidents were always boys. The girls were secretaries. The company successors were always boys. The girls were still secretaries. The deacons at my church always spoke in front. The deaconesses always passed around the collection bag. The pilots were men. The flight attendants were women. Boys always had more fun things to do and girls always got the supporting role.

I’ve always been aware that boys were more carefree than I was. They did chores because they’re kids who needed to be disciplined. I did chores because girls should learn to housekeep. Boys grow into men who leave the house for work and return to eat dinner. The girls remain girls. Even as adults, people refer to us as girls. We refer to ourselves as girls. And we work but we still have to take care of house chores. Otherwise, we’ll hire another girl to do it for us.

I’ve always been aware of how unsafe it was to be a girl. Boys can go wherever they like. The adults often said “walang mawawala sa kanila”. Girls can’t do that. We’re always in danger and we must not tempt men by walking alone at night, by wearing clothes that expose a lot of skin, or by offending them. And we have to do it not just for our physical safety but also because may mawawala sa amin”, implying that once our virginity is gone, we are damaged goods. Why it’s suddenly our fault and not the abuser’s is a huge puzzle to me.

And what about the boys? This double standard damaged them too. They had to act strong. They had to repress their emotions. They had to give up their seat for women because that’s the gentlemanly thing to do right? Girls are weak. Let them sit. (But they’re not weak enough to work, clean the house, do the laundry, cook meals, and raise the kids, right?) Boys were allowed to be alone with adults because boys are not prone to get abused, right? Boys can defend themselves, right? Not.

I knew all these things because I lived through it but still it took a long time before I could say without nervousness that I am a feminist. I’ve always been aware that there was gender inequality but still I was afraid to tell people that I will not tolerate sexism. I’ve always known that men can get away with violence not just against women and children but even against other men because of gender stereotyping and double-standards but I still heard myself say “I’m not a feminist, I just support equality.” I used to say that because I thought feminism was about being dominant. I didn’t realize it was about fighting to get access to the same basic human rights.

“Human rights include the right to life and liberty, freedom from slavery and torture, freedom of opinion and expression, the right to work and education, and many more. Everyone is entitled to these rights, without discrimination.” - UN

There was a time when these rights were exclusive to men. Women fought long and hard for all women to get these rights and they called themselves feminists. Today, there are still women who are not given the same rights as men. They still need feminists. While some men do not see how toxic masculinity and gender inequality has oppressed them too, feminists are fighting for them too. For as long as there is inequality, there will be feminists. Nobody gets left behind.

It took a long time but I can now say it with pride, conviction, and determination. I am a feminist.

Sincerely,
Len